Sunday, March 14, 2010

How to Piss Me Off Vol. 1

It's not hard to come up with postings for this blog. People act ridiculous all the time in public, so this thing basically writes by itself.

For me, that can be a bit of a problem. I enjoy writing and I want to do a little bit more of it here. That's why I'm starting the "How to Piss Me Off" series. Basically I'm going to write about what pisses me off in any given scenario. This week: work.

Here are the top 5 ways to piss me off at work. These are all based on actual things that happen to me!

5. Ask me if I work here...Is this a serious question? Why else do you think I'm standing on the sales floor in a company uniform straightening up the case? Is it a case of vocabulary? Like, are you wondering if I'm volunteering or actually getting paid? Stupidity.

4. Ask me where something is located outside of my department...For the most part, all the employees at my store are assigned to certain departments where they spend their entire day. There are a few floaters (affectionately [yeah, right] referred to as greeters) that walk around the store helping people, and they are clearly identified by their lazy, oafish appearance in which they stand while other workers bust their asses running the store (but that's another post). Anyway, back to the point. I work in the meat department as evidenced by my white smock that ends up covered in blood every day. Don't ask me where peanut brittle is located. I have no idea and I don't have the brain space to care. Nor the time or motivation to find out. Ask someone else!

3. Ask me for organic napkins...Now this only happened once, but it still gets to me to this day. What in Jesus' name is an organic napkin? And certainly you can't believe that the meat department is going to be the place you find it.

2. Threaten to shop somewhere else..."I'll just go to Shop 'n Save then!" The classic remark from disgruntled members of the elderly population (especially, but not exclusively) when a product they want is out of stock. "There's one near Walmart on 88," I always say back, to their even angrier expression. Honey, you must understand that I'm an hourly employee. My paycheck will be the same week in and week out no matter if you shop here, there or anywhere. Get a life.

1. Say, "Excuse me, miss."...I am not a girl!!!! I, for the life of me, cannot understand why I am constantly confused for a girl!?!?! This happens on an almost daily basis. My mom told me that it's probably because I wear earrings and that the old people can't tell the difference when they see them. I thought that that was ridiculous, but at least somewhat reasonable. But it continued to happen even once I took OUT my earrings!! I always tell the people that call me miss, ma'am, her or she that I am a sir. They become so embarrassed that I have to walk away to make the situation feel less awkward. I don't care if that seems rude! I'm not a girl! I have short hair, peach fuzz on my face, clunky work boots AND ABOVE ALL a name tag that reads JUSTIN!!

4 comments:

  1. Best line : "Don't ask me where the peanut brittle is located." LOL

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  2. "Miss (??!!), could you please tell me where to find the tampons?" Hey, you're the one wearing the bloody smock, what do you expect? OMG - LOL.

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  3. Oh Justin, Justin, Justin....soooo true. People just don't understand. There's one near Walmart on 88!( LOVE IT!!!) What in Jesus' name is an organic napkin?(Hilarious!)

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  4. LOLOL Leslie! What a sick mind...PERFECT for this blog haha :-D

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